I just made it up (Rant)

Isn’t it wonderful? How we are told, that you can do whatever you like when you grow up, be whoever, you aspire to be. How dreams are not just merely crafted illusions of a potentially hopeless reality. I am almost 18 years old now. In this relatively short span of life, I have given over hundreds of tests that have seemingly questioned my mind’s ability to compete with others and put me in a loop of densely similar-minded people. I have been told that in order to achieve, hard work and perseverance, is all I need. But after each such motivational speech that seemingly bolstered my mind’s ability to connive successful results, I still wasn’t able to quantify these terms; ‘hard work’ and ‘perseverance’. Seemingly, these words have lost their meaning through timeless times. Now, half of us, without thought would have already adjudged that my sense of alliteration doesn’t bode well, and would have googled, if the phrase ‘timeless times’ holds any relevance. The answer to your question is, I just made it up. Very honestly, I made it up. I made it up just like the false truth, I convey to the society, when anyone in any sphere of life and time, asks me about how I am doing.

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I made it up, just like, when I was asked about, why do I like to write. ‘ It gives me a temporal absence from the society. It helps me breathe. I feel in any other dimension. The shouts of the living world blend through the silhouettes of faded charisma.’ I used to say. What I wanted to say was, ‘I don’t know’. Does there have to be a reason behind every conspicuous activity, I indulge in, other than academics.

I made it up, just like, when I was asked about, ‘What’s your future plan.’ Narrating people the same bullshit story you made up since you were 15, when a hot-shot banker-cum-cousin boasted about his financial and career success with laminated degrees from ‘prestigious’ institutes and told you, that there’s great scope in Computer Science. So that’s it? There’s great scope in CS, so that’s my future plan! There are over a million JEE aspirants out there. Just genuinely ask someone, as to what they’ll do after JEE? Half of them have no idea. They were supposedly living on the basis of the fact that their ulterior motive is cracking JEE. They’ll supposedly get in and figure out what to do next. Out of the million, only 8000 get in, what happens to the ulterior ‘Motive’ of the rest? Their dreams shatter. Aspirations come down crumbling. And very few have the courage to stand up.

The thing is, I didn’t realize when I grew up, until the center of focus of my dreams changed from ‘Myself’ to ‘Myself fitting in the society’ or my immediate future. I am tired of asking myself the same very question everyday, when a book of pre-ordained Calculus with advanced trigonometry, lies in front of me. ‘Why am I here?’ What sense of purpose do I fulfill, while I sit alone in my room, thinking about how my wasted tutorial test will affect my GPA. When I ask my friends about whether they have such awkward violent furors over the ‘System’, all of them have a lot to say but settle amicably on the fact that it is very difficult to move against the flow of this majoritarian circumvented river of ‘thought’.

You know what the fun part is, the really enjoyable one;

Just to make this piece of generic engineering rant, be of more value, I decided to gather some statistics over the youth population in our country. I type, ‘No. Of teens in India currently’ on the Internet. And the results are flabbergasting. Simply eye-opening. The Second, fifth, seventh and the tenth link have the same phrase rearranged and jumbled to set precedence on one thing; Indian teens have the world’s highest suicide rate. On a good note, there is finally something over which we Indians adhere to; the numeric sense in the decreasing order.

The suicide rate is indicative of how, an average student suddenly finds himself so pathetically incompetent in the society, that what gives him solace is knowing that things will never change for him. You’d find over thousand such rants on the Internet. What makes mine so different is, that I don’t propagate measures to be taken that can bring us out of this problem. Because one thing, I’ve realized is ‘ Change in the society isn’t necessary. Change in the way you perceive things, is necessary. Unless people who face these challenges or are affected by questions of uncertainty regarding their academic life or life in general come out and be vocal, things won’t change. Come out and speak out because sulking and getting demotivated quietly isn’t the answer.

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