Drowsing into sleep

Those empty sleepless nights. When a clouded anonymity of thoughts pass slowly, under your astute expressions of tranquility. It’s 3 AM in the morning, and slight waves of insecurity pass by the thresholds set up. With my eyes fluttering through the blank canvases that the night has painted grey, with strokes of contempt and loneliness, there is not much for me to do suddenly. Making my way to the balcony, with already-experienced walks amidst utter darkness in the hollow nights I’ve experienced, light spills like a withered flower drooling over its protégé.

As I stand on my podium of disbeliefs, I gaze at the culturing skyline towering over the city. ‘ Pay my debts’ starts playing on a loop intermingling raw tunes with interspersed lyrics. Emotional strifes threaten to pull me apart. The fading lights threaten to flicker over un-assorted thoughts and caress wrong emotions turned all in the wrong direction. For a moment, everything goes into faded oblivion. Darkness slowly creeps along the pedestals of faith and in that moment, I see Dementors sucking out the light out of the city. And in one obligatory ‘Click’, a motion picture starts unfurling in the sky.

All my negativities and elements of distaste paint me a grey sky, with contentious droplets of humidity condensed into guilt. All that was going wrong in my life then, started to unfold through the muddy envelope of the façade, I pretended to put on. I wished if I could drowse to sleep then. Having to never watch all that again. Carefully telling my ciliary muscles to adjust the inletting of light that carried such un-requited happenings, I try to close my eyes.

The pallor breaks off, slowly as one star, perhaps shined too brighter than it usually did. All that extra light seemed like a hole in the hot-air balloon that had covered against any respite, I displayed. Something in my inner depths told me to be happy and flash out a smile as a token of appreciating the celestial body that chose to obliviate my piece of darkness. And, it seemed as if another star had opened up to create a spiral-way for others to tread and help me get on. The faded azure of the black enigma that threatened to restraint me forever was being attributed back, a hollow victory as the enigmatic stars dripped off purity to strip all negativity into the withering matter. The motion picture paused at a scene. The scene depicted my only chance to redemption in times of despair. And somehow the curtains started falling down.

I found myself spiraling down my thoughts and things started appearing not that bad after all. Realizing that these changes were too difficult and vague to grasp, I for once, decided to shut my eyes. And I found myself drowsing back to sleep.

Now, here what I just wrote is not a complex psychological thriller, and the guy is no Jack Reacher, who’ll possibly attempt to delve back on all the past happenings. It’s a simple account of a person undergoing one of the most heart-breaking forebodings. Depression. Usually, in depression, what happens is after a point, the person stops blaming the world, but starts to incandescently question oneself. People in this condition who have been wronged, take it upon themselves to ascertain if what they’re going through, is deserving or not. Sadly, there’s no one near them or is allowed near them, to offer them a second opinion. That’s what the faded lights that threaten to pull the strings out, symbolize. There comes a breaking point beyond, which repair, is considered incorrigible. But little do these people know, that there are unknown stars or for the matter, known stars that have a positive surge of light inside them. And this light may come out, when least expected. Similar is the case with people. Sometimes depressed people have wrought themselves in such a hard shell that foreboding them seems like an easy option. But as our beloved Albus Dumbledore once said, ‘ Happiness can be found, even in the most darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn the light on.’


There are thousand of people who are depressed and many of them have turned their light on, hoping someone would notice them. While some have given up hope of being noticed ever. And all things then depend on the inner good light of other people, who decide to look beyond themselves and knock on the doors of their unhappy friends for once. That’s what the stars did back in the story. They helped restore happiness. For once, if people get back their hope from flickering to setting on a stable flame, they can be happy. They can smile.


To all the flickering souls out there, try conferring your thoughts with someone who you feel is mature enough to understand them. Trust me, you won’t have to bear the same problem again. It’ll halve down eventually, until it crumbles to dust. And it will, someday. Now, drowse back to sleep. For someone is coming to wake you soon.


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